Beastenders

Eastenders tonight (Friday) -total, utter bollocks on a level that's sweaty and nasty and fetid.

1) THE most unrealistic job interview ever. A barmaid's job where the applicant is asked to add £3.17 and £43.67 and €67.32 and 13 guineas in her head. What a crock of shit. Then there's the young girl, with a face like her nose is being sucked into her arsehole, storming out after a banal discussion and argument about films and being chased by the interviewer like an exterminator chasing after an errant earwig. Absolute poo.
At 1 in the morning no-one cares about the mathematic prowess of the barmaid. They want boobs and a smile and the desperate, clinging hope that they may get lucky, despite the fact they've got as much chance of copping off as Vanessa Feltz has of becoming president of Haiti.

2) The Book club - every so often, when scriptwriters reach a wall thicker than Pat Butchers' hair lacquer, they come up with an unrealistic,sideshow, that somehow everyone seems to have a passion for but no-one has ever mentioned before. The blokes set up a football club and build up an inevitable grudge match to Ali-Frazier levels, despite the fact that no-one ever mentions West Ham or any London team, ever. I'm sure Dot Cotton set up an S/M club, and I know Ian Beale formed a hard right extremist group. All fallen by the wayside, as will this "saucy" book club within two weeks.

I honestly believe that if Eastenders started now it would be pulled within six months. It's awful, but people seem brainwashed by it. None of the characters are remotely believable - an example; over Xmas, Shaun , the grumpy, hopeless, lethargic, permanently unemployed basket case, was seen to set up speakers and sing a load of festive shite in the middle of Albert Square, in total contrast to his usual moody "I'm brooding but wearing a T-shirt that's got gravy and Pringles crumbs down it" sort of way that makes him the most uncharismatic twat ever to walk into the soap. It was a weak, lazy ploy to add extra emphasis and contrast to his Hamlet-esque wailing when he later finds out that the Garbage Pail kid that Ronnie has been parading round for several weeks did not spring from his sweaty loins. To suddenly make him happy so he would seem more sad later was weak, incoherent and crap.

I still watch it though.