Tennislav

How weird is Wimbledon at 10.30pm? The Murray-Wawrinka (?who?) game seems to be a bit of a beast - I went out and strimmed the garden and came back and it still hadn't finished when I came in. Tennis under floodlights is really odd and unusual, like indoor football. You can tell it's getting late because the men are grunting now. With the women it takes about two games before they start wailing like demented walruses, each thwack of nylon on ball accompanied by an orgasmic yelp of pure energy. I watched one the other day where one tiny little creature had a high pitched scream and the other lumbering brute's voice was quite deep, so as the rallies progressed it sounded like sawing wood using one of those old double-handed blades.

As a matter of fact I've noticed I'm there (Ian Hislop) tonight as well, strangely enough. And what is it with all the (B) Eastern European players who are dominating tennis now? The quarter finals are spread between Serbia and Bulgaria and Poland and others, and it presumably won't be long before Kazakhstan, Kyrgszstan, Tadjikstan and my favourite Chinese Turkestan dominate the rankings, with rackets hidden in bison pouches and tops sewn from the intestines of mongol hordes. Hawkeye would literally be a hawkeye, torn from the face of Transyvanian bird as it tended to its young in a lofty perch. And the umpire would be an old-school communist dictator who can instantly send anyone who double faults to instant extermination in a SW19 salt mine, sipping Pimms mixed with cyanide tablets.

The same is happening in heavyweight boxing and football - how long before other sports like golf and cricket are the same. Interesting.

Murray just won, but while Borislav, Igor and Karel remain his challenge will be a tough one to complete. Oh, and there's a bloke called Roger as well.