Why Facebook is losing face

Have to say - the initial humorous magic of Facebook has gone. Some people's status updates are so annoying it's untrue. Some are very clever and funny, others are as funny as eating poo-flavoured glass.

There's the odd bright spot. Interesting videos from people, intelligent comment, and the boxing debates me and one of my old schoolmates Tony have are amongst them.

And the funny, quirky things, like "John needs". If you haven't done it, go to Google, type your name + needs, and see what ridiculous things come up.

For the record, mine include: John needs father, Don John needs charisma, John needs badly to impress, John needs a map of Thailand, Terrington St John needs help in effort for new village hall, Elton John needs a helipad at the O2, and John needs to be visible on every issue a la Obama. That's one needy guy.

But some status updates are really boring. I particularly hate this type (all names are made up by the way; when I say made-up I mean I don't have friends with those names. They are real names. If I was going for made up names I would have said something like Banzagrew or Trenevere. I digress...) of message:

Jamie cannot BELIEVE what he has done. Trevor is SO excited about tomorrow. Darren has just discovered something. Enid is in a dilemma...etc etc etc

If it/that is so good/exciting/erotic/flamboyant then just say it! Don't try and expect people to ask you what it is and start a boring and ultimately flaccid conversation.

Because when you do this you tend to find the most mundane answers.

I would love to find out that Jamie has eaten his own weight in Haribo sweets and can make people diabetic just by breathing on them.
And Trevor is excited about going jet ski-ing with Jessica Alba along the Welland on the back of two giant Kraken
And Darren has discovered that his Dad, brother and dog are all one and the same.
And Enid's dilemma is which of the slowly festering corpses of the Cheeky Girls she should remove from meathooks in her garage first.

But I'm always disappointed.

I could go on and mention the annoyance of repetitive messages, obsession with partners, and repetitive messages, but I won't.

Of course, the irony of this is that I'm going to post a link to it on Facebook. Which makes me a hypocrite. Never mind, I'll be too busy flying to Thailand from my impressive helipad in London to care.

*Had a bloke in court yesterday called Tarzan. Genuinely. In for motoring offences. He was given a vine. Ho ho.

*Hope there are some Blackburn fans reading this. I should point out for non-football fans that my beloved Sky Blues beat Rovers last night, despite them being in the league above us. We now play Chelsea in the next round of the FA Cup. Bring it on.

*Just a quick message about David Cameron. The Tory leader lost his young son Ivan this morning. Ivan fought illness virtually from birth and because of this his father put in many hours of charity work for various causes and became a patron for several of them. As someone who lost their brother when he was young - a brother who also suffered from illness - my heart is with Cameron and family now.