Hy-porn-crites

CLICK HERE FOR HARD CORE BONING.

How many of you followed the practical advice above? I'm watching a programme discussing the volume of porn available on the internet, shops, and my bedroom, and also the media has been flooded with the story of Jacqui Smith's husband ordering two blue movies - raw meat 3, no less - and then the tax payer being charged for it.

I think it's hilarious how hypocritical people are being.

First off, ignore the whole taxpayer thing. I'm pretty sure it's an honest mistake. And why the hell didn't he just go on the internet. Maybe he didn't know the sites, and if so: http://www.redtube.com/, http://www.xvideos.com/, http://www.tube8.com/ should help.

What I'm interested in is some of the media reaction from people who should no better. Her husband has been deemed as having a "porn habit." If two films constitutes a habit, I am in real trouble. BIG, neurotic, problematic, psychotic trouble. Two films is a breakfast, not a habit. And I know most blokes are the same, and many women.

But no, this poor sod, who was alone one night with an itch he just couldn't scratch without watching a cockumentary, is being villifed - willified, if you will - because of it. His, and Smith's mistake, was including it on a list which the Sunday Express got hold of with a firm grasp and still haven't pumped dry.

The first porn movie I ever saw was called "Heavenly Desires" and featured legendary blonde actress Seka, who had a spectacular physique. I can't really remember the plot other than the fact that she dies, becomes a ghost and shags some people - despite the fact that there were certain scenes which had become grainy through constant watching to the point where I could judge to the nearest millionth of a second where the first scratchy line would appear, and which part of the genitals would be obscured first as the shredded tape rasped through the desperate spools of the JVC machine to my left.

I loved it and watched it for years. And then thought, "no I've had enough", and recorded the fight between Lennox Lewis and Phil Jackson from Atlantic City in 1994 over the top of it. From a single fist to fisticuffs in one go. And guess what? I regretted it straight away.

Nowadays I barely ever watch porn/watch porn sometimes/watch it incessantly (note to self - delete as appropriate if you can be bothered). But whether watch it or not I know one thing - I won't think any worse of people who do.