Two brief nibs

We completed our challenge - take a look at the Spalding Guardian website to find out more.

Enjoying doing stuff on Tulip Radio, and you can hear me every night on 107.5 fm. Still learning the ropes a little bit on Myriad, but it sounds pretty good hopefully!

Tennislav

How weird is Wimbledon at 10.30pm? The Murray-Wawrinka (?who?) game seems to be a bit of a beast - I went out and strimmed the garden and came back and it still hadn't finished when I came in. Tennis under floodlights is really odd and unusual, like indoor football. You can tell it's getting late because the men are grunting now. With the women it takes about two games before they start wailing like demented walruses, each thwack of nylon on ball accompanied by an orgasmic yelp of pure energy. I watched one the other day where one tiny little creature had a high pitched scream and the other lumbering brute's voice was quite deep, so as the rallies progressed it sounded like sawing wood using one of those old double-handed blades.

As a matter of fact I've noticed I'm there (Ian Hislop) tonight as well, strangely enough. And what is it with all the (B) Eastern European players who are dominating tennis now? The quarter finals are spread between Serbia and Bulgaria and Poland and others, and it presumably won't be long before Kazakhstan, Kyrgszstan, Tadjikstan and my favourite Chinese Turkestan dominate the rankings, with rackets hidden in bison pouches and tops sewn from the intestines of mongol hordes. Hawkeye would literally be a hawkeye, torn from the face of Transyvanian bird as it tended to its young in a lofty perch. And the umpire would be an old-school communist dictator who can instantly send anyone who double faults to instant extermination in a SW19 salt mine, sipping Pimms mixed with cyanide tablets.

The same is happening in heavyweight boxing and football - how long before other sports like golf and cricket are the same. Interesting.

Murray just won, but while Borislav, Igor and Karel remain his challenge will be a tough one to complete. Oh, and there's a bloke called Roger as well.

Censor this

Another day, another MP get nailed for expenses. There was a brief lull in sackings/resignations/news about claims for £8,000 televisions and duck ponds, but now the erotically named Kitty Ussher has bitten the bullet. Another case of home-flipping. I thought that these half-wit MPs had all been exposed by now, but it appears not. Although I think it has blown over to some extent, especially as new swine flu cases, fighting in Iran and North Korea qualifying for the World Cup is much more interesting.

Speaking of which, there's a fascinating blog on the Beeb website detailing how the football fixtures are computed. I knew that Everton and Liverpool could not play on the same day at home, but what I didn't know is that Dagenham's game can affect Norwich, through a chain of computations involving shared stewards and traffic congestion through Esses, Suffolk and London. Just bizarre that the home designation can affect another game 108 miles away.

Did you know Bobby Moore's middle name was Chelsea? Honestly.

Bad news in terms of media law today - the Times has convinced a High Court judge that a blogger has no right to anonymity, meaing that popular police blogger "nightjack" has been exposed and reprimanded by his unit.

Why the times did this I don't know. There are a lot of stuffy journalists who hate the blogging culture because it means jobs are being taken away. Also of course in the Times' case the Eton/Oxbridge educated posh twats frown upon anyone who doesn't reference Greek philosophers, 18th century history or other up-their-own-arse crap in their stories.

Of course my blog is a bit of fun. I can sit in my boxer shorts with pot noodle down my front, writing my nonsense about football, porn and anything.

But for some people it's a moral crusade, a genuinely insightful way of imparting information to people who would never see it. They can engage other anonymous sources to work together and critically comment on aspects of life that the Times would never trifle with. One day I might have to reveal a source against my will - I don't know how I will feel...

There are so many blogs around that I'm not going to recommend any. Easy to find good ones.

Nibs

Just seen that Miguel Cotto and Manny Pacquaio have signed to fight each other - wow! Tough to pick a winner on this. Very tough. So tough I'm not going to yet...I'm half way through a multi-bet that's worth £120, but it looks like I'm going to have to wait a bit longer for results as the other fighters are Mayweather and Amir Khan, both of whom have had their fights postponed.

Had a good few weeks. Several front pages, including a planning one which encouraged a lot of response from readers, a D-Day one which everyone seemed to enjoy, and also a really good piece about a girl who was abused for several years by her stepfather. Very rare that you get the oportunity to do this.

Fans in a van progresses - would like some more money but I have a feeling it's all going to flood in late. It had better do. I'm not driving a van to Scunthorpe and Plymouth and all these other backwater hell-holes for nothing.

Fan van update

A quick update again on Fans in a Van - looks like we have the van sorted out via our fab new editor Jon. Also plenty of responses from various football clubs, but not many good ones I have to say - I will name and shame them all at some point.

One I have to point out in particular. I sent the same email out to 40 or so clubs to ask for memorabilia which will be auctioned to raise money for the four charities. A few have said no promptly, which I appreciate. At least I know where I stand.

But West Brom wanted my address (postal) to respond. Ok I thought, that means they must be sending something. So I gave them my address (which was on the original email, by the way). And they sent me a letter. Saying that they wouldn't give me anything.

What a complete waste of time and paper, when they could have just emailed me that several days before like the other non-participants did.

If I was feeling pseudo-analytical, I would compare their lack of crisp decisiveness and blathering, and their eventual lack of endeavour, with the team's defence. Maybe a vague, ambivalent nature runs through the Hawthorns from back room to back four. In any event, it's all a bit silly.

*Nothing to say about Newcastle - see my blog posting from last year on this.

Every time you read this I'm claiming expenses.

Still haven't got a van (see previous post) but got a month to go. Up to £35 so far, but haven't really started collecting yet. Good to see Milton Keynes Dons and Leeds crash out - nothing against them, and personally the thought of Millwall living in our division is as encouraging as rectal surgery followed by a dodgy korma - but the Dons' stadium would have been a rather large fly in the ointment, possibly one who's just enjoyed a meal of cowpats and rotten poo.

I don't think there's been a week like it for politics. Just as worrying as what was claimed is the fact that for a lot of these leeches it was perfectly legal.

My favourite was moat man Douglas Hogg, claiming £2,000 to have his moat dredged at his 13th century estate in Sleaford, about 40 miles away. Hilarious, especially the interview where he was pursued by rabid reporters. An old Eton toff caught with his snout in the trough.

I looks as if the speaker of the house is going as well. The speaker should be a representative of the MPS and nominally is the most important person in the house after GB. But Michael Martin has been berating those who want the transgressors punished, and what's more, appeared to have done his best to stop the expenses ever getting out.

What happened to the noble art of representing a constituency? It should be something anyone can aspire to, and yet it just seems to be a way now of making a quick buck and getting your Double Decker paid for. I don't begrudge them second homes - it's a logical step - but I do begrudge them £8,000 plasma screen TVs (for that amount I'd expect a TV that can watch programmes from 2013 and create pop up porn stars in my bedroom), hanging baskets and trouser presses that I'm paying for.

So what moves will be taken. Maybe we should be able to declare votes of no confidence in our MPs, but I'm not sure enough people care one way or the other. Maybe the independent expenses group will clear it all up, but these people will be regarded as corrupt no matter what now.

I do think the career politician is coming to an end.

Experts should be running our country. In a simplified form, scientists would advise on scientific matters, and lawyers would advise on legal matters, and doctors, architects, environmentalists, economists etc etc etc. When MPs have to vote on a contentious issue - MMR, adoption, abortion - they read papers from experts, that have been compiled on research, and informed knowledge. So why not cut out the political fat-cats and go for the experts? If we voted in 100 for each sector we'd have a fantastic bank of skill, knowledge and opinion shaping our country, presumably from a wide variety of backgrounds, ages and races. Sure, they would still get expenses - but we would get value for our money rather than old Oxbridge buffoons.

Let me know what you think.

A road trip and Ricky

Well here it is - a letter I have just popped off to the Coventry City press office.

Dear Sir/ Madam,My name is John Baker and I am a reporter for the Lincolnshire Free Press/ Spalding Guardian. I am planning a charity trek in the summer (July 10) with two colleagues from the newspaper, Adam Uren and Andrew Brookes, and would like your help.

We are aiming to visit all 44 club grounds from teams in the top two divisions in England, within 48 hours. This journey of around 1,600 miles will be done in a small van with a mattress in the back for four charities- Liverpool's official charity (Adam's team), Nott'm Forest's official charity (Andrew's), a local charity as yet undecided, and NSPCC, the official charity of my team - Coventry. (as a bit of background, I was born in Coventry, all my relatives are from the city and I went to University at Warwick)The reason we have chosen July 10 is that it is not during the season and is not a weekend when any of us will be working.

We will be asking all 44 clubs for any donations they might choose to make, and also a piece of merchandise of their choice - be it a badge, pennant, shirt, poster etc. The merchandise will be put together into a giant pot at the end and orphaned off, with proceeds going to the charities.

This is the first time any of us have ever done anything like this and will need a lot of planning and support from people and organisations. We aim to go to radio and TV stations, Hold the front page, and other media outlets.


End of email. We will be putting more on here as and when.

A few words on Hatton now the dust has settled.

No-one expected such an easy night. As you will know if you read my last blog I fancied Pacquiao, but did at least expect a few rounds or points. What I didn't know was the Hatton would steam in in such a naive and foolish manner. The way to beat Pacman was to utilise head movement, push him against the ropes and use body shots, tire him, wait until the handspeed dropped, and take him out late.

Instead Hatton tried to engage him in a wild shootout. Arguably the biggest pound-for-pound puncher in the world, and the Hitman engages him in a ballsy brawl. It was doomed to fail. What was more worrying was that he couldn't change it, even when he endured the worst first round of his career. He sat on his stool and just said "fucking hell". Quite.

Quite clearly Mayweather was of limited value. We forget that during the Malignaggi fight Ricky was caught quite a few times - it's just that Malignaggi only has five knockouts to his name. This time there was no room for complacency. I expect the truth of whatever happened in the gym will be revealed in the next few weeks, and there will be nothing but contempt for Floyd snr. Was the fact that his son is returning to the ring on his mind...?

My gut feeling is that Hatton won't retire yet. He's only 30, he could still beat virtually every other junior welter in the world, a fight with Amir Khan or Oscar De La Hoya would be a massive Wembley sellout, and most of all, he doesn't want everyone to remember him lying in the middle of the canvas with his eyes spinning wildly while his family wept at ringside.